One of my top pet peeves is losing something. Losing something out in the big wide world is devastating, it's gone forever, how could you be so stupid, how did you even manage it. But losing something at home is a different feeling altogether. Pure confusion. You're certain you checked everywhere, and you still don't have it.
I want to be the best at finding things. I want my partner yelling from upstairs that they can't find their whatever, and me hollering back the exact location because I just know. Of course I know. I'm the queen of finding things.
Being a good finder isn't luck, and it isn't one of those little Bluetooth trackers that beep until you find them. That's almost cheating. Probably. So here are a few of my trade secrets for finding things around the house, including the things that were never really lost in the first place.
losing something in the pantry
Sometimes you just know something is there. You're staring into the pantry like a maniac, squinting, waiting for the peanut butter to leap out and hit you in the face. You know it's in there. Where else would it be. It's not on the counter, and nobody in this house is unhinged enough to put it in the fridge. And yet, try as you might, you cannot see it.
There's some sciencey explanation for this, but that's not what this post is about. This post is about the peanut butter sitting right in front of your face the whole time. So, tips.
Take a step back, breathe in, breathe out. Look away from the shelf, turn around if you must, stare at the floor. Now picture what you're actually looking for. Sounds dumb, but you're at your wits end here, you need that peanutty goodness. See it in your mind. The lid, the colour, those smug bears on the label.
Now look back into the space where you know you left it. There it is, eye level, dead in front of you the entire time, your brain just quietly refusing to register it. You can thank me after you make the sandwich.
losing something somewhere in the house
This is the big one. The ultimate misplacement. Popular contestants include your keys, wallet, hairbrush, phone, and the remote. This is the one that makes you feel like an absolute idiot the second you find it. I am not ashamed to say I once sat on the floor and had a little cry when I couldn't find my hairbrush for four days.
Most of our high-use items live in a zone, a whole room, or a few spots across a few rooms, or one exact place. When the item leaves its zone and turns up in none of the others, that's the moment for panic. Here's how I claw my way back from it.
Retrace your steps. Doesn't matter what it is. If I've lost my phone and I'd just been at the computer, I check there first, usually next to the keyboard, occasionally on the bookshelf I pass on the way out. Rule out one room and move to the one before it. Nine times out of ten the trail leads you straight to it.
Revisit the dumb places. Some items are just gifted at getting lost, because you put them down absentmindedly, not sometimes, constantly. I have left my keys hanging in the front door lock. Couldn't find them anywhere, was literally reversing out with the spare set when I spotted them dangling there. I've now done this twice. So if the keys aren't on the bench or in my bag, odds are I've done it again.
Remember your train of thought. I once pulled my whole closet and the laundry apart hunting for a pair of track pants, only to find them later in my pyjama drawer, because at some point I'd rebranded them as PJ pants and filed them accordingly. If you can remember what you were thinking last time you held the thing, you can usually find it. My logic makes no sense from the outside, but it's consistent, and consistent is findable.
do a systematic search
If retracing fails, slow down. Panicking and flinging things around just builds a bigger mess to lose things in. Start where it's supposed to live. If your wallet always goes in the bowl by the door, that's search spot one. Do a slow, careful look, then widen out a few inches at a time, the surrounding surface, then the whole area, keeping the circle growing in an orderly way until it turns up.
if all else fails
You could always tie everything you routinely lose to a piece of string attached to a belt you wear at all times. You'll look ridiculous, but you'll always know where everything is. Just try very hard not to lose the belt.
> # end of file
> the hairbrush cry was a low point and i stand by it
> tell me the dumbest place you've ever found your keys
> # signing off