Cosmopolitan UK ran a supposedly relatable little piece about the 15 things you should know before dating a girl who blogs. Every actual blogger who read it laughed and shook their head, because almost none of it was true, and the parts that were true painted us as some kind of nightmare. A bit unnecessary, and a bit ignorant.
So, in the spirit of good fun, here are 15 real things you should know before dating a girl who blogs.
- You will never eat a hot meal again. Please be patient while I stand up and photograph this bagel from four angles. Don't touch it. You can eat in a minute, I promise.
- I will drag you to every new place that opens. Do you have any idea how many cafes and boutiques appear around here every month? Bring your wallet, we're eating out.
- You are now my personal photographer. Whole outfit, or just me looking wistful over a coffee, take a hundred and make them candid.
- You will get mentioned in a post occasionally. Maybe just that you came to the new brunch spot with me. Maybe a whole post about the socks you leave scattered across the house. I will never post a sleeping photo of you though. Cross my heart.
- You have to read the new post. I don't care that you have no opinion on the new contour palette from Anastasia Beverly Hills. Read the damn post. Does it sound crazy? Does it sound too crazy?
- I am always trialling something around the house. Why does the place smell like a box of fruit? New home fragrances, obviously. What is this drink? Don't worry about it. Just testing things out.
- I am on my phone. A LOT. I will give you plenty of attention too, but a huge chunk of my life lives in that phone. Twitter friends, Insta friends, analytics, emails, my actual friends, and the very serious question of how many cats I have collected in Neko Atsume.
- We will whinge about everything we have to write, then sit down and watch every new episode of every Marvel and DC show we can get our hands on, then whinge that we're too tired to blog and go to bed. Or maybe that's just me.
- Too much of our money goes on props. Mine mostly goes on plants, but I still spend plenty on the rest. It's not shopping, it's purchasing content. It's an investment, honestly.
- Random crap will migrate around the house under the job title "photo prop". My poor partner spends his life relocating my marble backdrops. Couch, back door, dining table. I follow the good light, I can't help it.
- Blog meets make us equal parts thrilled and terrified. Sorry I've talked about this one every single day since I bought the ticket. But I'm so keen. What if my makeup isn't up to par? What if nobody talks to me? What am I going to wear?
- You will see me in full makeup and pyjamas. The photos are done, and these pants are extremely comfortable. Nobody's going to know I blogged in trackpants. Who's going to tell them?
- Whatever you get me for my birthday had better be good, because it might end up in a gift haul post. Nobody wants to awkwardly feature the socks bae bought for our anniversary. Unless the socks are genuinely fantastic, in which case, framed.
- You cannot tell me what to write. I'm sorry, you disagree with my strongly worded post about the total lack of Rey merchandise for the new Star Wars film? Ha. See you later.
- We drag you along to all the free stuff. Free tickets to a show this weekend so I can review it. Dessert on the house tonight so I can write it up. Dating a blogger comes with an automatic invite to anything sweet we get to do.
Underneath all of it, you're not really dating the chaos. You're dating someone who found a silly little hobby she loves and won't shut up about it. Lucky you.
I hope you found that at least slightly more relatable than the Cosmo version. I'd genuinely love to know the things someone should know before dating you. Leave them in the comments.
> # end of file
> tell me the real things about dating you. i'm nosey, remember.
> # signing off